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Love Evolves

I like watching Bollywood movies and the typical rom-com which depicts that you find just the perfect guy/girl, get married, and then live happily ever after. But well, is that true? I guess not. Based on my experience, finding the seemingly perfect guy/girl is only the first step of the relationship, dating and getting married would be second and third but the saga does not end here, the happily ever after takes a LOT of efforts from both sides.

When I met my husband for the first time, I loved everything about him. When I started dating him, I still loved most things about him and then when we got married and were on our own, I realized that I like some things about him, and I hate some of his habits to the core but knowing the things that I did not like about him did not really affect my love for him. Love is and should be irrational, crazy, and unconditional otherwise its whole idea is defeated.

The maximum arguments that we had in our marriage were within the first year. Even though we dated for 2 years before getting married, we were completely unaware about certain aspects of each other’s personalities. For example: I did not know that S needs his breakfast with an hour of getting up even on weekends and he had no idea that I am a cleaning machine (maniac) who loves to eat brunch and skip breakfast any day. Our first trip abroad was chaos. We were young, naïve, and mostly arguing. Imagine going to the Eiffel tower and arguing all the time about stupid little things that will stop mattering within 2 hours. The topmost reason of us fighting on our first euro trip was me carrying various handbags and my phone in hand and while S being worried about snatching (TBH, Paris is not that safe, and he was right). We are two strong willed people, so we did argue a lot but we somehow used to make up fast. With time, we got better, S understood what I hated, and I understood his triggers. We started cutting each other some slacks and made a pact that no matter what, we will talk about anything that would bother us. Now, we seldom fight on vacations.

Arguments never really stop and trust me that is okay, its healthy to have things to fight or talk about, its fine to have difference of opinions; let’s not get fooled by filtered images and romantic reels on ‘gram. In real world, couples fight, and they make up. In real world, love is not 50-50, when he goes 10; she goes 90 and vice versa. Also, in contrary to famous opinions, love is not even equals to going on fancy dates and vacations, love is feeling content and comfortable in whatever you have as a couple. If love is equal to something, its equal to support, its equal to respect, its equal to trust and friendship. And all this is not achieved over night or within some years, based on the couple’s efforts, love evolves. In my experience, S and I today do not fight about the things that we fought about in 2016; the topics have changed now, and our reactions and responses have changed too and oh! I love how far we have come, and I so look forward.

I have observed one more thing about marriage that it’s a very crucial decision of life; for the record I did not know this when I was 24 and got married but thankfully lucked out (touchwood). In marriage, people do become like each other, they pick each-others attitude, vibe, and habits; I am seeing it first-hand. I was pro at silent treatment when I married Sumit; fighting with me meant that I would stop talking and I would cry myself to sleep and then there was outspoken S who believed in talking and analysis. With time and S’s efforts, I started talking about things that concerned me. Likewise, S picked some “nothing beats hard work” and aesthetic sensitivity vibe from me. Marriage is literally merging so it is a huge deal and decision. Having said that; somethings never change and for that couples usually find the middle-ground, or they just keep annoying each other for the rest of their lives in a cute (or psych) way.

In a crux, love is more of a process than feeling. It evolves. It takes efforts. It takes time. It takes 2 crazy people who are genuinely interested in making a life together and who hate to give-up! 

Hence, Let’s Evolve (don’t fall) in Love.

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