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Five Golden Rules of Relationships

 I am not a relationship expert. I have dated a guy for 2 years and then married him. We have been together for around 8.5 years now. We have had the initial exciting phase followed by the newly married honeymoon phase, the without kid fun phase, the pregnancy and new parents phase, and current phase which we can call “know each other too well” phase. There have been ups and downs, we have fought, we still fight at times, but we are growing up together in this relationship. There are some rules that we stick by and follow in our day to day life to make sure that our relationship rule and does not ruin us as an individual or as a family. 

Here are those 5 golden rules that we swear by:

1. Communicate: I was a silent person, I used to fight and then go into a shell. S was and is a good communicator than me. In the initial months of marriage he snatched me out of my shell and made sure that he do not get the killing silent treatments. I worked on it and boom things got easier. We express what we feel about each other or about anyone else to each other. Communication basically solves 60 percent of the problem that couples face, rest of the solving depends on you guys working towards the solution of the problem. I read somewhere that its okay and natural for couples to fight, you should not worry about it instead you should worry when you have nothing to fight about.

2. Set boundaries: do not get too clingy. Give each other space. Your partner should not be your only source of happiness. If you make them incharge of everything in your life, you will only end up blaming them. Practice your hobbies, have your me time, and let them have theirs. Hang out with your own set of friends and extended family. Enjoy your company and pamper yourself. Live and let live freely.

3. Keep doing little things: little things make huge impacts. When the relationship is new, people do all cute things for each other but with time they do not feel that need to please each other all the time (which is kinda okay) but we must make sure to make them feel special every now and then by doing little gestures for them. Like my husband loves when I surprisingly leave a note in his lunch box sometimes and I love when he sneakingly gets me my favourite momos. Always make a way to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries. Feel free to spoil each other in whatever way you can. You do not need to go to a fancy restaurant every time, a nice movie and a tub full of popcorn on a Friday night would do the magic.

4. Be the calm to their chaos: your partner should never be the one who adds to your chaos. He/she should bring the calm to your chaos. A relationship is never 50-50. Sometimes they would go 10, make sure that you go 90 at that moment. Know and understand when they need you and have their back in those moments. Prioritise them when you think that they need you more than usual. Listen to them and make them feel heard. Be present and value them. I don’t think there is something like soulmates. A relationship is not gifted, it is made through the years-brick by brick-moment by moment.

5. Trust each other: trust is the foundation of every relationship. Make sure that you never break their trust and if you unfortunately do: apologise, mean it, and never do the same mistake again. 

Lastly, with me and S, being friends more than the typical partners has really helped. Being optimistic, being forgiving and accepting that the other person is not perfect, considering our families as a combined big family, and being patient with each other has also helped. I am sure that in the coming years, we will learn many more things about the relationships and the way to thrive in them but for now this is what we have. ❤️

Comments

Anonymous said…
Much needed ideas and thoughts...
5 July 2022 at 10:38
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