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Raksha-bandhan

I don't know the feeling of having a sibling since I am an only child. I was emotionally close to my parents so I never felt alone as such; except on raksha bandhans each year. I was so insecure about being an only child that I even used to lie about it. But then with time, I accepted it. I am now married with a kid but every year Raksha bandhan comes and makes me feel sad. Not that  I don't have cousins; I do have plenty of them and they are quite loving but most of them have their own sisters and are not obligated to treat me like one. At few raksha bandhans when I was newly married and excited about every festival, I used to joyfully call my cousins and invite them over to my place for Rakhi. But then after doing this a couple of times, I started expecting them to do stuff for me and well that did not go well. If you don't have a sibling or a close cousin who does not have a sibling too, Rakhi is mostly a festival of expectations for you. 

My husband has a sister and she is very warm towards me. She has somewhat filled the sibling hole for me. I am happy and content to have her in my life as a sister in law. She also has a daughter so Yuvi has a little sister whom he loves very dearly. 

This year, I did not expect any of my cousins to call me. I messaged and called only the ones who are really close to me. I now don't believe in keeping stale relations. I try and try my best to expect the least. Anyway, no one has it all. I hope that in a year or two, I will completely be in terms with zero expectations. Till then, I will keep working towards that goal. Afterall, happiness is a state of mind. I want to and will choose happiness for myself, every damn day. I will do my "raksha" myself.


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